So what would happen if we challenged that conventional thought and asked: could that chain actually be rearranged or shuffled? What would happen if some steps were just missed out completely? What wondrous opportunities would that offer?

Just consider it for a moment. Arousal and orgasm without erection. Arousal and ejaculation without orgasm. Orgasm without ejaculation. Just because it’s unusual doesn’t mean that it’s not possible. If the mind is strong I assure you many things are possible.

Opening your mind

I’d argue that our genitals are actually sensors feeding signals to the brain. Any sensations and emotions we feel are the result of our brains interpreting those signals. The euphoria we feel is not a man’s penis or a woman’s vagina feeling good. It’s their signals sent to the brain and the brain’s release of endorphins that make us moan.

So for those with ED I say stop worrying about it because that’s likely to make it worse. Instead, open your minds to the endless possibilities of stimulating your partners and your brains. Relax into a sexuality and sensuality that suits you. For an erection to occur, a muscle has to relax and open the flow of blood to the penis. You’re more likely to get an erection if you’re not tense or stressed. Communicating with a partner is your friend. Toys are your friends and consensual fantasies are your friends.

Embracing softness and going beyond the penis

Softness could be an unwanted, scary word if you’re an Alpha male but in my glass half full world I see softness as a beautiful sensual word. My days of being an Alpha male are long behind me. I’m a submissive trans woman now with a high libido.

I perform some form of #self-love daily. My nipples have become two surrogate penises. They stand erect while my penis stays soft. When I masturbate it’s far more likely to be soft with two fingers inside or over my panties.

I still get the occasional erection. They don’t happen every day and I certainly don’t worry when one doesn’t arrive. In fact sometimes they can be a bit of a nuisance. I love to take my time and edge and ride wave after wave of orgasms and I suppose I do cum but not very often, certainly not everyday and that’s just wonderful for me.

Wherever you are at with ED and whatever is the root cause of yours, remember that there’s never only one way to do things right. Yes you may need to adapt to your new situation but you can do it and I’m sure that wonderful experiences await you if you can communicate and relax.

Monique xx 💋