By Adrian

How to love this body no matter what, is the question. How to accept changes whether caused by illness, accidents or age. This is what I have to work with. It is beautiful when I allow feelings of beauty to inhabit me, in my body as it is now, after all the changes of age and surgery.

In my mind I am more aroused and attracted when I see a member plump, for it represents some state of arousal. But when I sense or feel my own member, I don’t focus so much on whether it is shriveled or plump. Philosophically, they both have their individual merits. I can accept them both. I am just looking, not thinking so much about what I like, or want, or don’t like. Then there seems to a release of judgement to an extent.

When my mind is left to run circles, I can feel shame in the shriveling aspects of my member. I remember when I had my appointment for a possible implant, the doctor pulled on my cock to let me know what the size might be. At that moment my cock was in a shriveled pose, and I left feeling less of a man.

How to just be yourself as you are

My question to others with soft penises is: How often do you feel your sense of masculinity (or any other identity you have) without expectations, without the conditioning put on you by society or family? How do you feel and sense you for you without any sense of binding?

My new thought is how much of one’s life is involved in having and keeping up one’s self-image. I don’t think about how my kidneys look, or the arches in my feet. It would help if I could take it to heart that my penis on days does not look the way I want it to look, based on what I think a man should look like.

Easier to accept others as they are

It is so different when I have an experience of connection with another human being. I am there for the enjoyment of giving and receiving pleasure. In those moments I generally don’t have thoughts about self image or performance anxiety.

When I really care about somebody else, I seldom judge them for being different to any mainstream standards. I don’t doubt them for being themselves. Why do I doubt myself?

Letting go of self-doubt

I can use my mind to evaluate facts: I have had surgery. I am older. In life a body changes over time. If I allow my imagination to go into self-doubt, worry, low self esteem into what my body looks like, it will overshadow my openness to experience pleasure. This applies both alone and with a partner.

When I love and accept myself I am everything I need to be. I take responsibility as a creature that was created, to fully allow the energies of life to live in me.

I must remember this, not compare myself to others or even old thoughts of myself. Each person, animal, plant is unique and that uniqueness needs to be celebrated.

Related event

Beyond Erections Live conversations, online – a series of the conversations we need to have about sexual pleasure in changing bodies. Conversations with ourselves, with each other, people with penises and partners.

Facilitated with care by Mish. All adults, genders, sexual orientations, and reasons for erectile differences are welcome. Advance booking essential.

Next event: Practical tips for soft cock sex | July 6th, 2026 | 12 noon Eastern time | 6 pm Europe and Africa