Resource Guide
This guide is intended to provide easy access to helpful resources for readers of the book Soft Cock Sex. They are organised according to the following sections of Chapter 7 of the book:
- Free online resources (Chapter 7.1)
- Online resources you might consider paying for (Chapter 7.2)
- Sex Aids (Chapter 7.3)
- Support groups (Chapter 7.4)
- Professional Helpers (Chapter 7.5)
- More about quotes in the book (Chapter 7.6)
- Bibliography (Chapter 7.7)
The lists that follow include my personal suggestions based on experience. Feel free to search further online to suit your own preferences. Nothing in this book should be taken as medical advice – rather see a doctor.
Items marked with this icon were added after original publication of the book. Month and year added are noted, e.g. April 2025
Free online resources
This is a brief list to get you started – I trust you will find more options that suit you.
- ATouchySubject website founded and curated by psychologist and sexual health designer Victoria Cullen
- Cam Fraser’s downloadable e-book The new male sexuality and podcast Men, Sex and Pleasure
- Soft Cock Week website has a huge collection of resources. And look out for the next annual Soft Cock Week for a new wave of fresh thinking, actions and community building.
- The Penis Project Podcast, co-founded by Melissa Hadley Barrett and Dr Jo Milios.
Online resources you might consider paying for
This short selection is limited to paid services I can personally recommend.
- Erotic massage “how to” guide videos including explicit sensual soft cock massage
- Soft Penis Pleasure masterclass by Tess Devèze, also reviewed by the author
- Touchy Subject Hub – penile rehabilitation community founded and curated by Victoria Cullen.
Sex aids
There is an unlimited array of toys, devices and other sex aids on the market. Here are a selection of more personal stories and reviews to help you get started.
- Cock rings – my reviews of cheap and simple cock rings and the more sophisticated option that is now my favourite
- Data logging – my review of wearable erection trackers
- Strap on dildos – user review
- Vacuum erection devices (penis pumps) – A variety of experiences.
Support groups with free membership
I encourage you to find a group to join in your home area. If that doesn’t work out, here are some that are accessible internationally.
- Gay, Bisexual Men and Transgender Women Prostate Cancer Support Group on Facebook supported by US Prostate Cancer Foundation
- Intimacy and Cancer – Facebook support group, mainly but not exclusively women dealing with the impact of cancer on sex and intimacy
- Prostate Cancer UK Community – this is the best nationally-organised support group I have found
- Recovering Men – live and very candid global conversations on Zoom
- Sex, Love and Prostate Cancer – this is the most candid and open Facebook group I have found, and includes similar proportions of men and their partners
Professional helpers
It’s best to find the professional helper that suits you, if possible in your own area. Here are some individuals I can personally recommend:
- Delene van Dyk, RN, Sex educator, South Africa
- Erica Leroye, Creative Body Release, USA
- Melissa Hadley Barrett, nurse practitioner and sexologist focusing on erectile function, Australia
- Michelle Renee, Human Connection Coach, USA
- Tamboo Academy, and in particular their Kadeisha: the art of conscious loving series of in depth workshops, South Africa
- Victoria Cullen, founder of www.ATouchySubject.com, Australia
More about quotes in the book
Quotes in the book come from a variety of individuals, some of whom prefer to remain anonymous. Where their stories are published, I have included links below.
- Catherine has written a series about her experiences recovering sexual pleasure with her husband after his prostate related surgery
- Colleen has written a series about her experiences living with the author on his journey of prostate cancer and erectile differences
- Delene is part of a wide-ranging team of sexual health professionals at My Sexual Health in South Africa
- Johann has described his experience with a penile implant
- Gavin has described his prostate cancer and trans-Africa journey in depth
- Pedro’s blog includes a treasure trove for men dating with erectile differences
- Pratap and his wife share practical details of their senior sex with erectile differences. Look out for their forthcoming book
- Tony tells more about his life on hormone suppression treatment (ADT).
Bibliography
Books
Anand, M. The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers (1989)
Andrews, N. The Book of Orgasms (2000) Added Jan 2025
Chia, M. & Abrams, D. The Multi-Orgasmic Man (1996)
Chia, M., Abrams, D. & Abrams, R. C. The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (2000)
Dahl R. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (1965)
Devèze, T. A better normal: your guide to rediscovering intimacy after cancer (2021)
Frank, A. The Wounded Storyteller (2nd edition, 2013)
Masters, W., Johnson, V., & Kolodny, R. Heterosexuality (1994)
Nagoski, E. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life (2015)
Nagoski, E. Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections (2024)
Perel, E. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2007)
Research based articles
Bowie, J., Brunckhorst, O., Stewart, R., Dasgupta, P., & Ahmed, K. (2022). Body image, self-esteem, and sense of masculinity in patients with prostate cancer: a qualitative meta-synthesis. Journal of cancer survivorship : research and practice, 16(1), 95–110.
Chambers, S. K., Chung, E., Wittert, G., & Hyde, M. K. (2017). Erectile dysfunction, masculinity, and psychosocial outcomes: a review of the experiences of men after prostate cancer treatment. Translational andrology and urology, 6(1), 60–68.
Daskivich, T. J., Naser-Tavakolian, A., Gale, R., Luu, M., Friedrich, N., Venkataramana, A., Khodyakov, D., Posadas, E., Sandler, H., Spiegel, B., & Freedland, S. J. (2024). Variation in communication of side effects in prostate cancer treatment consultations. Prostate cancer and prostatic diseases, 10.1038/s41391-024-00806-2. Advance online publication.
Dowsett, G. W., Lyons, A., Duncan, D., & Wassersug, R. J. (2014). Flexibility in Men’s Sexual Practices in Response to Iatrogenic Erectile Dysfunction after Prostate Cancer Treatment. Sexual medicine, 2(3), 115–120.
Frey, A., Pedersen, C., Lindberg, H., Bisbjerg, R., Sønksen, J., & Fode, M. (2017). Prevalence and Predicting Factors for Commonly Neglected Sexual Side Effects to External-Beam Radiation Therapy for Prostate Cancer. The journal of sexual medicine, 14(4), 558–565.
Frey, A., Sønksen, J., Jakobsen, H., & Fode, M. (2014). Prevalence and predicting factors for commonly neglected sexual side effects to radical prostatectomies: results from a cross-sectional questionnaire-based study. The journal of sexual medicine, 11(9), 2318–2326.
Fu, F., Duthie, C. J., Wibowo, E., Wassersug, R. J., & Walker, L. M. (2022). Openness to Using an External Penile Prosthesis for Maintaining Sexual Intimacy by Individuals with Erectile Dysfunction: A Cross-Sectional Study. Sexual medicine, 10(5), 100559.
Hanna, P., Corre, C., Rapsey, C. & Wibowo, E. (2025). Description of how men achieve multiple orgasms, Sexual and Relationship Therapy. Added Jan 2025
Kessler, A., Sollie, S., Challacombe, B., Briggs, K., & Van Hemelrijck, M. (2019). The global prevalence of erectile dysfunction: a review. BJU international, 124(4), 587–599.
Kinnaird, W., Schartau, P., Kirby, M., Jenkins, V., Allen, S., Payne, H. (2025). Sexual Dysfunction in Prostate Cancer Patients According to Disease Stage and Treatment Modality. Journal of Clinical Oncology, Volume 41, 2025, 103801.Added April 2025
Komisaruk, B. R., & Whipple, B. (2011). Non-genital orgasms. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 26(4), 356–372.
Ladegaard, P. B. J., Mortensen, J., Skov-Jeppesen, S. M., & Lund, L. (2021). Erectile Dysfunction A Prospective Randomized Placebo-Controlled Study Evaluating the Effect of Low-Intensity Extracorporeal Shockwave Therapy (LI-ESWT) in Men With Erectile Dysfunction Following Radical Prostatectomy. Sexual medicine, 9(3), 100338.
Lyons, K. S., Winters-Stone, K. M., Bennett, J. A., & Beer, T. M. (2016). The effects of partnered exercise on physical intimacy in couples coping with prostate cancer. Health psychology: official journal of the Division of Health Psychology, American Psychological Association, 35(5), 509–513.
McKinlay J. B. (2000). The worldwide prevalence and epidemiology of erectile dysfunction. International journal of impotence research, 12 Suppl 4, S6–S11.
Meissner, V. H., Dumler, S., Kron, M., Schiele, S., Goethe, V. E., Bannowsky, A., Gschwend, J. E., & Herkommer, K. (2020). Association between masturbation and functional outcome in the postoperative course after nerve-sparing radical prostatectomy. Translational andrology and urology, 9(3), 1286–1295.
Ralph S. (2021). Developing UK Guidance on How Long Men Should Abstain from Receiving Anal Sex before, During and after Interventions for Prostate Cancer. Clinical oncology (Royal College of Radiologists (Great Britain)), 33(12), 807–810.
Rawla P. (2019). Epidemiology of Prostate Cancer. World journal of oncology, 10(2), 63–89.
Schover, L.R., Fouladi, R.T., Warneke, C.L., Neesec L., Klein, E.A., Zippe, C., Kupelian, P.A., Defining sexual outcomes after treatment for localized prostate carcinoma. Cancer. 2002 Oct 15;95(8):1773–1785.Added April 2025
Schwartz, A. N., Wang, K. Y., Mack, L. A., Lowe, M., Berger, R. E., Cyr, D. R., & Feldman, M. (1989). Evaluation of normal erectile function with color flow Doppler sonography. AJR. American journal of roentgenology, 153(6), 1155–1160.
Tsang, V. W. L., Skead, C., Wassersug, R. J., & Palmer-Hague, J. L. (2019). Impact of prostate cancer treatments on men’s understanding of their masculinity. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 20(2), 214–225.
Tutolo, M., Briganti, A., Suardi, N., Gallina, A., Abdollah, F., Capitanio, U., Bianchi, M., Passoni, N., Nini, A., Fossati, N., Rigatti, P., & Montorsi, F. (2012). Optimizing postoperative sexual function after radical prostatectomy. Therapeutic advances in urology, 4(6), 347–365.
Ussher, J. M., Perz, J., Rose, D., Dowsett, G. W., Chambers, S., Williams, S., Davis, I., & Latini, D. (2017). Threat of Sexual Disqualification: The Consequences of Erectile Dysfunction and Other Sexual Changes for Gay and Bisexual Men With Prostate Cancer. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(7), 2043–2057.
Usta, M.F., Gabrielson, A.T. & Bivalacqua, T.J. Low-intensity extracorporeal shockwave therapy in the treatment of erectile dysfunction following radical prostatectomy: a critical review. (2019). Int J Impot Res 31, 231–238.
Walker, L. M., & Robinson, J. W. (2012). Sexual adjustment to androgen deprivation therapy: struggles and strategies. Qualitative health research, 22(4), 452–465.
Warkentin KM, Gray RE, Wassersug RJ. Restoration of satisfying sex for a castrated cancer patient with complete impotence: a case study. J Sex Marital Ther. 2006 Oct-Dec;32(5):389-99. Added May 2025
Wassersug R. J. (2016). Maintaining intimacy for prostate cancer patients on androgen deprivation therapy. Current opinion in supportive and palliative care, 10(1), 55–65.
Wassersug, R. J. (2014). Prostate cancer, gonadal hormones, and my brain. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 40(5), 355–357.
Wassersug, R., & Wibowo, E. (2017). Non-pharmacological and non-surgical strategies to promote sexual recovery for men with erectile dysfunction. Translational andrology and urology, 6(Suppl 5), S776–S794.
Wibowo, E., & Wassersug, R. J. (2016). Multiple Orgasms in Men—What We Know So Far. Sexual Medicine Reviews. 4(2), 136-148.
Wittmann, D., Foley, S., & Balon, R. (2011). A biopsychosocial approach to sexual recovery after prostate cancer surgery: the role of grief and mourning. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 37(2), 130–144.
Yates, P., Carter, R., Cockerell, R., Cowan, D., Dixon, C., Magnus, A., Newton, R. U., Hart, N. H., Galvão, D. A., Baguley, B., Denniston, N., Skinner, T., Couper, J., Emery, J., Frydenberg, M., & Liu, W. H. (2021). An integrated multicomponent care model for men affected by prostate cancer: A feasibility study of TrueNTH Australia. Psycho-oncology, 30(9), 1544–1554.
Other articles
Cooper, S. Taboos in Treating Men’s Sexual, Erectile, and Mental Health. Psychology Today, Nov 19, 2024.
Fisher, J. 5 stages of grief: Coping with the loss of a loved one. Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, Dec 12, 2023.
Goldstein, I. The Central Mechanisms of Sexual Function. Boston University Medical Centre, 2021.
Kenny, S. In Chicago, a New Approach to Gay and Bisexual Men With Prostate Cancer. New York Times, Dec 7, 2021.
Kramer, J. The Body Electric School (1984)
Lanquist, L and Borges, A. How to prepare for anal sex, according to actual doctors (2020) Added Jan 2025
Middelmann, M. Let’s Talk About Erectile Dysfunction: How my prostate cancer experience is helping make ED more discussable for me. Psychology Today, May 3, 2021 Added Jan 2025
Middelmann, M. (2024). Assumptions and Taboos: Breaking down barriers to men’s sexual health and relationships. Institute of Psychosexual Medicine Journal, 83, 10-15.
Sexual Medicine Society of North America, What Is Sensate Focus and How Does It Work?