By Tim D.

I generally need a cock ring to support my erections. In my bag of o-rings there is an old brass one (pictured above) that was originally from a horse harness. It’s from the days when my family farm used real horsepower to work the land and to go to town. It’s the perfect size for my penis. I have used and worn it for more than thirty years.

Being rigid, it was always a bit of a procedure to put it on. I would put one testicle through, then pull some scrotal skin through to make room to pop (with some gentle effort ) the other one through. Then I’d work my penis through before I got too hard for it to fit. If it did, then I would have to wait till my erection softened.

The brass ring, being quite snug, made my erections rock hard and pulled the skin tight, so that lube was pretty much required if I was to proceed.

A brass ring shows how much I have shrunk

Yesterday I thought I might like to get frisky with myself. So I dug this ring out of the baggie. I guess I hadn’t used it in quite awhile and when I went to put it on, my balls just dropped through the ring. Both at the same time! No careful manipulation or squeezing required.

I knew my testicles were shrinking, but to have it demonstrated so dramatically was a bit of a shock.

I then felt my chest and throat go tight. My breath became short. Tears began to well up behind my eyeballs and started to run down my nose and cheeks. I don’t think anything strikes so close to the core of a man than the perceived size of his genitalia. It’s difficult to communicate the kind of grief this inspires in me. And yet I think every man on androgen deprivation [hormone suppression/ADT] must feel as I do. I know this grief well. It is a grief that verges on despair.

Choosing pleasure in spite of sadness

I also know that if I choose to keep on crying, I won’t be having sex with myself.

So I went ahead and put my ring on. Then I listened to a podcast on Spotify called “Want”, which is a narrated collection of women’s fantasies. Organized into chapters, it follows the format of the 1970’s book “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. It’s erotic and mildly stimulating for me.

I took off the cock ring and did a little lubing and vacuum pumping while listening. Then I went upstairs to the big screen computer and looked at porn and masturbated and in a little less than an hour had a nice orgasm. I went to bed and had a good night’s sleep.

If I had chosen to keep on crying over my shrinking genitals, I would not be living the life I want. Staying with a focus on loss and repeating it over and over in your mind can correctly be described as “suffering”. I don’t deserve to suffer.

I choose to have something I value in life.
I choose to commit to work towards that value.
If you can do that “You Win”.
Nobody deserves to suffer.

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Sexual pleasure on ADT and estradiol