For too long, sex with erectile differences has been largely undiscussable, apart from Viagra and similar advertisements. But this month two of the world’s major newspapers have published positive articles about re-imagining erectionless sex and adapting sexually to body changes for men. I have also begun tracking down the roots of the new thinking in medical and sex therapy writing.

Here’s what people in the mainstream have begun saying about sex where there is a soft or unreliably hard cock in the mix.

Older adults improving sex span

On March 5, the New York Times (NYT) published a very positive article celebrating older adults improving their sex span. They quote the irrepressible Joan Price and her partner finding that “thinking beyond penetrative sex has been critical” as they navigate good sex in their 80s. The NYT also quotes Dr Kate Thomas of Johns Hopkins Sex and Gender Clinic. She says many older couples take some time to adapt, but ultimately are satisfied by switching their focus to “erection-less sex.”

I wish this advice had been more available when my wife and I were fumbling to discover erectionless sex five years ago.

Recovery from prostate surgery leading to new levels of partner intimacy

On March 8, the Guardian published interviews with a man and his partner about living with what he calls erectile dysfunction. I choose to use the term “erectile differences.” He says the improvements in their sex life are a “silver lining of my cancer journey.” She celebrates how the changes “hit reset on the dynamic between us.” She says she used to feel like sex was an obligation and now quite clearly relishes what she describes as “pure fun.”

Standard sexual functioning not necessary for magnificent sex

I was struck by a Montfort Group podcast by Laurie Poole distinguishing what’s needed for good sex from having classic sexual bodies. So I tracked down the source. It turns out that Canadian clinical psychologist and sexologist Peggy Kleinplatz and her colleague Dana Ménard studied what makes sex magnificent a decade ago. Their book Magnificent Sex followed in 2020. One of their conclusions was that “standard sexual functioning is not necessary for magnificent sex, and aging and disability might even be an asset.” This conclusion was based on in depth analysis of their large and wide ranging intimate interview study.

I have just borrowed the book from the library and will review it as soon as I am done reading. It appears that some experts have been calling out in the wilderness about new approaches to sex with body changes for some time. The growing body of work about good sex with erectile differences hasn’t received a lot of attention. The fact that I couldn’t find them when I wrote my own book Beyond Erections in 2025 shows just marginalized this kind of thinking is.

Let’s welcome the mainstream starting to explore and talk about great sex that doesn’t rely upon classic young bodies. The older half of the world’s population stands to benefit.