Join the conversation – live and interactive, online
These conversations are for you if…
Conversation design
Future dates and times
Monday July 6th, 2026 at 9 am Pacific time | 12 noon Eastern time | 6 pm Central European time and Central Africa time.
Take the survey to vote on future topics
How it works
Click the booking button and let me know your details so I can send you the Zoom invitation. You will also be asked to pay what you can to support me in opening up conversations worldwide about erectile differences.
When we meet on Zoom, you are encouraged but not required to keep your video on and share your first name. When there is time for conversation you may choose how much to share. Nobody is forced to talk.
No medical advice will be given and neither Mish’s book nor this event are a substitute for professional medical care.
Privacy
I won’t share your data with anybody. Website privacy policy. When you come to the event, you can use a pseudonym if you would like to protect your identity. The event will not be recorded.
So many stories
My own body changed fundamentally at age 60 when I was treated for prostate cancer. The sexual impact was that erections and orgasms became impossible for a few years, and then elusive and unreliable. My partner’s body went through lots of changes over the same period as she stopped taking hormone replacement (HRT). I felt devastated to lose access to the sexuality that had felt wired into my body from before puberty. Frustration started to tear at our relationship.
Yet we have remained intimate and sensual throughout, and over six years worked out new ways to be explosively sexual in our new bodies.
Different bodies, different lived experiences Throughout my healing process, I have hosted close to a hundred group conversations, mostly among men responding to loss and change in sexual function. I’ve talked in intimate detail with over 200 people of all genders and sexual orientations and levels of vanilla/kinkiness. I’ve sat with many in the pain of loss and confusion, and been inspired their discoveries of ways to have delicious sex when there is a soft or otherwise-different penis in the mix.
I believe it’s time to shed limiting beliefs about sex and erections and match our sex lives to our changing bodies and relationships. Overcoming barriers to frank and open talk enables our sexual creativity and deep needs for loving touch to flourish.
New possibilities are emerging as more people embrace queerness and gender fluidity, and as older people experiment sexually with bodies that defy Hollywood and fashion norms. I am excited by the pleasure techniques for soft cock sex that I have described in the book, and the myriad ways others are living sensual and sexual lives outside the old tramlines.
I invite you to spend an hour with me on 1 June at 12 noon Eastern time / 18h00 CET. A Pay What You Can event. I’ll share some of my own lived experience and some tips from my book Beyond Erections. I will also hold space for new conversations to emerge in the group. You’re welcome if you’re over 18 and experiencing erectile differences in yourself or a partner, or know of loved ones in this situation.
Other ways to connect
Both my blog and my book offer more open conversations about erectile differences, and invite you to join in. While I encourage you to address any underlying medical issues with the appropriate doctor(s), my own contribution is not about cure but about thriving in your body the way it is. The book offers practical suggestions to adjust your mindset, re-engage in physical pleasure, and re-imagine orgasms. The Swell blog (below) creates a space for many voices to be heard – perhaps you would also like to share your story?
Less shame
Bring erectile differences out of shameful secrecy. Liberate full body sexual creativity.
Not a quick fix
No quick promises about “fixing this dick.” Enjoy sexual pleasure and intimacy with your body as it is now.
Full body pleasure
There is a treasure trove of pleasure awaiting those who use their whole bodies to make love.
Get the book now – available worldwide in both eBook and paperback
Read more book details and options here
Scroll on for the new Swell blog….
Introducing the new Swell Blog
Where you don’t have to be hard to have fun. And it isn’t always fun.
Discussing the undiscussable, part 2: intergenerational conversations
After a year in print, the awkwardness of conversations about my book has driven home just how socially undiscussable erectile differences are. Yet there is a hunger for authentic open conversations about this awkward topic. People thrive on sensual pleasure. Erectile differences, difficult though they can be, definitely don't need to block sensual and sexual satisfaction. Readers from their 20s to their 70s, of all genders and sexual [...]
Coping with shrinking balls
By Tim D. I generally need a cock ring to support my erections. In my bag of o-rings there is an old brass one (pictured above) that was originally from a horse harness. It's from the days when my family farm used real horsepower to work the land and to go to town. It's the perfect size for my penis. I have used and worn it for [...]
Sex beyond erections going mainstream
For too long, sex with erectile differences has been largely undiscussable, apart from Viagra and similar advertisements. But this month two of the world's major newspapers have published positive articles about re-imagining erectionless sex and adapting sexually to body changes for men. I have also begun tracking down the roots of the new thinking in medical and sex therapy writing. Here's what people in the mainstream have begun [...]
How to introduce a soft cock
Many people literally don't know what to do with a penis that isn't hard. Honestly, for the owner of the soft cock and their sexual partner, it is a whole new ball game. The penis owner needs to get to know his own new body - and reintroduce his soft penis to his partner(s). Introducing a soft cock to anyone takes courage. For many partners, this will [...]
Reaching through the glass wall: sexual pleasure on ADT and estradiol
By Timothy I've been on androgen deprivation treatment (ADT) since March 2024 - I've had literally no testosterone in my body for more than a year and a half. Yet it is important to me to remain sexual no matter what. Being on ADT, it often feels like pleasure and orgasm are on the other side of a sheet of glass. I can see them but I [...]
Alternative ways to introduce hardness
When the cock in your life is soft, that isn't necessarily the end of the harder side of sex. Some partners love it when people use strap-on dildos or penile extension sleeves to enable more robust penetrative sex without needing a flesh-and-blood penis to be hard. What follows are just two real life stories from heterosexual couples. They are by no means the only ways to play [...]
Come As You Are: what men can learn
For ten years, women have benefited from the wisdom and ground-breaking research contained in Emily Nagoski's New York Time bestseller Come As You Are. Now it is time for men - especially those with erectile differences - to learn parallel lessons. As Nagoski says What I need is to hear that it is okay to feel sad that my body will never be what is used to be. I [...]
Anti-erectile hormonal mechanisms
By Rhys Leeming With all the potentially helpful things I found to address my ED, I also found a few to avoid. And they can be just as important. Stress, anxiety and focus on the wrong things can be very counterproductive. What I share here is based on my own experience and reading, and is not intended as medical advice. Recovering from prostate surgery is a long [...]
It doesn’t have to be hard to be fun, fulfilling, and phenomenal
The first live open global online conversation about my Beyond Erections book will be on Saturday, July 19 at 1 pm Eastern time. You are invited! [Editor's note: See post-event feedback below] The event will be hosted by the wonderful somatic sexuality expert Erica Leroye in conversation with me. She's the curator of the amazing website and community It Doesn't Have To Be Hard. Formerly known as Soft [...]
Pro-erectile mechanisms
By Dr Rhys Leeming Here's the list of chemicals, gadgets and actions that helped get my erections harder after prostatectomy surgery. They helped me go from about 70% hard to over 90%. You might find they help you too. Restoration of a decent sex life with my wife took more than the actions below. While they all help ED in a functional way, the other major contributor [...]
Softly celebrating Masturbation May
In honour of Masturbation Month, I invited readers in May 2025 to share anonymously the ways they pleasure themselves with soft cocks. Here's the most comprehensive soft penis masturbation response I got. The only background information available is what the author provided in the anonymous form. Where I have added a note for clarity I have put my comment in square brackets []. Here's how our featured [...]
McGyvering sex
By Rhys Leeming Faaarking hell. I’m up here in Far North Queensland getting some late summer sunshine before the Tasmanian winter sets in. I wake up with an expectant grin for the pre-breakfast activity. We've changed almost exclusively to morning sex these days - my erections are a bit stronger at that time of day. With the holiday feeling I was confident that I didn't need Vitamin [...]