All too often, says men’s sex coach Cam Fraser, people treat the male body like a machine. As if “male sexual function is something that needs mechanical fixing.” In our conversation last month he welcomed Beyond Erections as a “beautiful holistic pleasure-oriented approach to soft cock sex, exploring intimacy and sex without erections … in a way that is sorely missing from most conversations about male sexuality.”

About the book, he says “there is nothing else like it” in world literature on male sexuality.

It was a privilege to reconnect with Cam Fraser, who is less than half my age and works a lot with younger men. Previously we had a wonderful intergenerational conversation in September 2021 about manhood, sexuality and what young and old men can learn from each other. This year we took it all much deeper and further. You might like to listen to our 2025 Beyond Erections podcast conversation on Cam Fraser’s Men, Sex & Pleasure – Episode #248. Here are some notes from the show.

Addressing male sexual function in a new and mindful way

As part of his coaching, Cam encourages men to explore their bodies in a different way – without relying on porn or other external stimulants – to slow down, not to go straight to their genitals, and instead focus on slow, light touch. Not relying on direct vigorous friction based touch. How revolutionary and how sensible! I wish I had learned this a long time ago: his clients are lucky.

He encourages them to continue up to an hour with this practice in which erections are not the main focus, or maybe even don’t show up at all. As he says, these practices are good for all men even if they do get erections easily and reliably.

Where the information in the book comes from

Fraser’s curious: he asked me where I found all this information in the book that hasn’t been written before? My responses:

• Personal experimentation, alone and with my partner
• Working in men’s groups for nearly 25 years worldwide
• Open conversations in the prostate cancer community, going steadily deeper
• Directed research interviews with men and their partners, across a range of genders and sexual orientations

Men do talk, openly, if we create the right conditions. And storytelling unlocks our ability to take things in.

How people learn

Fraser reflects that sharing personal stories is the best way to engage and learn. Anybody can get the information from Google and AI, but it’s individual stories that touch our hearts.

What’s in the book

Fraser takes us through the many layers of men’s journey to sexual health with erectile differences, as addressed in the book.

• The mental journey – how we respond to loss and change. Withdrawal in relationships.
• The physical journey – for the penis owner and their partner(s). Unfolding and exploring a plethora of new possibilities for sex beyond erections.
• Sourcing sexual joy that expands beyond both head and body – energy, satisfaction, orgasm and more.

Relationship challenges

Withdrawal (for either or both partners) is a normal first response to hurt and loss. But as I say in the book, it is not a good long term strategy. The podcast includes a rich conversation about what each of us is learning – what helps people get past the stage of awkward withdrawal when bodies change.

Beyond orgasms

We also open up the conversation about the contrasts between sex being driven by desire and sex driven by pleasure. I look forward to exploring this further. Meantime the invitation is to just play, and find out how to have fun with the body you have, as it is now.

Orgasm does not equal finishing, nor does it require ejaculation. We can expand our sense of sexual peaks to encompass our whole bodies and experience multiple orgasms as men.

Has this whetted your appetite to listen to Cam and me exploring new, more mindful and exploratory ways to address male sexual function in this podcast: Sex beyond erections (Men, Sex  & Pleasure with Cam Fraser, Episode #248).