Orgasms come in every shape, size and form. This is more easy to appreciate by people who don’t have hard penises. It also means that along with loss, there is something to gain for men when our bodies change. When we open to more possibilities, more possibilities can be unlocked in our relationships.

I lived most of my life with hard, persistent erections and I love the pleasure they can give. Recently I have learned a lot about a whole rainbow of different orgasmic variety, since I was inducted into the world of softer sex five years ago in the aftermath of prostate surgery.

The classic male/female divide

The quick rush of my previous hard sexuality is something I miss. Yet I have gained something richer, longer lasting and more full-bodied. Perhaps I get to enjoy the best of both the worlds Nin Andrews assigned as male orgasms and female orgasms in the quote below.

How to Farm an Orgasm

The [conventional] male orgasm is easy to grow. A root vegetable like a potato, it can be covered with almost anything, Even a little straw will do fine. Keep it in a dark place, and it grows, becomes large and hard, a stately presence, a wonderful addition to any country garden. Even when you ignore it, the thing ripens of its own accord. Then, whenever you’re in the mood, simply uncover it and cook the little sucker. Enjoy with butter, sour cream and whatever else you desire.

A [conventional] female orgasm is no vegetable. No, she’s a strange and timid animal. She doesn’t always allow herself to be tamed, so you must coax her with soft sounds and caresses, flowers and wine. Her characteristic reluctance and timidity should never discourage a young farmer. Once she lets herself go, she’ll be well worth your time.

Nin Andrews’ Book of Orgasms

A friend encouraged me to find the book quoted above. I took a chance, bought it, and it arrived in the mail recently. I have been delighted by her playful humour, big heart and deep insights.

Possibilities overlooked by people with hard erections

Previously, when I had erections that “ripened of their own accord” as Andrews described it, I didn’t notice the subtler energies associated with sexual climaxes. Now I find I can feel orgasms starting at the tips of my toes and building and growing all the way up my legs, gathering in my belly and balls and bursting out not only through my penis but also my heart and the crown of my head.

Also, there isn’t the same sudden end to sexual arousal that used to come with hard erections and classic orgasms. Now, I find my sexual pleasures rolling in waves, dipping and rising again. It’s hard to describe but I have done my best in Chapter 4 of my book Soft Cock Sex. And there is no doubt that orgasms need a bit of what Andrews calls coaxing for men with erectile differences.

Relationship opportunities arising

In relationships where there is one clear and hard driving “top,” often a man with a hard erection, there isn’t always space for a lot of variety in roles and relationships. When one partner’s penis softens, it opens up possibilities for switching roles in delicious ways.

Variety of orgasms as a doorway

For many with erectile differences, it feels like a door has slammed shut. Once you discover new ways to reach sexual climax, this is a doorway to all kinds of erectionless sex. Some men also discover multiple orgasms. And here is one man’s poem to soft penis orgasms.